goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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