now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
