alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
