Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
