She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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