dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
