i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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