I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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