you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
sex in a hospital.. check
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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