Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Enjoy the penises
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
