I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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