Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
