I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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