she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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