At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
