just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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