I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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