i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
