So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
