she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
