His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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