just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That accounts for only three of the penises
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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