That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
