you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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