I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
