A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
