Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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