It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
