oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
