it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
