Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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