It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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