I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
