I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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