so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
