My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
