My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
