I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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