what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
