His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
