My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
