my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
