he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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