the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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