He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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