Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
