so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
apparently the secret to your success is patron
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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