He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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