Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
