Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
