I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
