Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
