he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
