We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ladies don't puke and tell
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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