Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
