Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
